Everything is a relationship, or lack of one. Relationships are the cornerstones of anything long-term. Your most important relationships are the ones that affected you the most, to the core.
What are their hallmarks? Real relationships
include being cared about, believed in, mutually. For example: Did your best
boss, or teacher, or mentor care and believe in you? The answer is of course,
yes, and you felt it too, didn't you? And you cared about and believed in them
in return. This mutual connection of caring and believing in was THE main
ingredient, without which no real relationship would have been possible.
This is the secret key to all relationships; being believed in and cared about,
not just seen as being 'useful.' This is never more important than in a romantic
relationship and yet mostly ignored. When a woman feels her man wants her only
for sex and to do chores, her soul feels invisible, she feels unimportant, of
little value. She resents this and it lessens her. When a man is seen as the
stereotypical hero, protector, provider who takes out the garbage, but his
essence is not seen, cared about or valued, he feels of little value. He resents
and is lessened too. The barter system that has replaced sacred union in many
marriages illustrates this.
While the above is clear, what is not clear is that all long-term real
relationships are based in the same principals. This includes employer-employee,
provider-client, apartment resident-doorman, etc. It doesn't matter. Even if you
remember the smallest personal detail about this person and ask about it
indicates they as a human being have importance to you. Remembering a persons
name is a good one that I struggle with personally. When I can't remember, I
make sure somehow by mentioning some detail that I do remember to show they are
not taken for granted. I use word association to improve my retention and repeat
their names when I meet them. Why, because they are important as human beings.
The words we commonly apply to important business relationships include: trust,
caring, respect, mutuality, and win-win. These all are a part of creating good
solid business relationships. The words we apply to personal relationships
include: caring, intimacy, love, passion, fun, and exciting. By the way,
intimacy does not mean sex, but a close, familiar, vulnerable relationship with
another person or group (in-to-me-see). Here is where our thinking processes are
in error; we created a distinction where there is none. Business and personal
relationships' qualities are not mutually exclusive. It is when we separate them
that we deny others and our own essential humanness, because it is easier.
Relationships require work.
We have become a society that worships the god of easier, laziness. We produce
little and want a lot. This is our downfall. Easier means others get to do the
hard work. The Chinese have agreed to be our Coolies and now own a substantial
portion of our assets. This is the affect of the disease of easier. We have
relegated others into transactional associations with us. This allows us not to
care. Wall Street has always been about individual profit at the expense of
others. Banks that charge ridiculous interest rates are another. Easier and its
close cousin, gluttony are readily evident.
A transactional 'relationship' is really just an interaction devoid of
relationship. In a corporation we can see it in departments that hate each
other. There is a complete lack of respect and understanding of the underlying
relationships that is at cause. A great example is the department that all love
to hate, the so-called Human Relations Department. Inhuman is more like it. Yet,
they are not to blame. It is leadership that is. The buck stops there for a
reason. They set the tone; they create the proper behavior models. And remember,
most executives nowadays are almost exclusively interested in their
'compensation packages.' How they get it, or how it affects the company as a
whole, which includes the 'underlings,' is not their concern.
I recently spoke on the above topic at an event of mostly business owners and
afterwards an attendee came up to me and said, 'My wife came to me when the
economy went sour and said, 'we have enough money, do not lay off a single
person'.' He said he agreed with her and didn't let anyone go. This says volumes
about his loyalty, his caring for his employees. He will reap the benefits, as
will his employees. Yet, in corporate America, we send in 'efficiency experts'
to slash what is seen as a 'bloated' workforce. It is now about getting the work
of three from one worker who is terrified of losing a job. The long-term effects
will be disastrous. Our industries will continue to produce a declining product,
because management and the shareholders want short-term profits. The bloat is
mostly at the top. Limiting bonuses and incentives would be a great start,
voluntarily would be ideal. The essence of this executive problem is covered in
my previous article Failure of Corporate Culture, but it boils down to
egocentric greed. These scenarios are all possible because transactional
interactions have replaced human relationships.
We have come to the time were we are faced with the choice between what is right
and what is easy. Essentially, it's all about easy money versus correct
behavior. Easy money has always held an attraction and in the past forty years
it seems the pendulum swung heavily in favor of easy. The effects on our world
are quite evident, we've shot ourselves in the foot, and nothing is easy
anymore. Time to make new choices, earn real rewards, and create real things.
Speculation to make a quick buck is parasitic in the long-term. Start building
real relationships today.
Back to the ButlerReport